-Sometimes, I read something, and then- suddenly, a here-to-fore blurred image is instantly crystal clear; singular dots suddenly streak together in a true north straight line;
“the flash” of insight illuminates a common daily occurrence; such was today-
Every night, when I tuck her in… she asks, “What’s for breakfast in the morning?” It is a plea. It is sweet little girl eyes beseeching me. It is a small face looking for something to anticipate. It is a heart’s desire to elevate the every day to so much more. Every day, her heart is looking for the day to come to be infused with special meaning; anointed with a certain golden shine; in some way lifted above the common daily, every day.
I get it. I do. At least I thought I did.
Every night, I have tried to answer patiently and I have tried to pull freshness and creativity from the oftentimes tired depths of heart and soul.But I have been confused, too. Why the focus on breakfast? Why the importance and glad happiness when I answer with something yum?
I have answered patiently and I have tried to elevate our breakfast because I myself have lived with the choking taste in my mouth of a daily round of duty. Swallowing it back is hard. It doesn’t have to be that way. While there are very good lessons to be learned in contentment and satisfaction with things not being ‘special’ and my love (Todd) is so good at this and has taught our family and kids some great lessons in this-
there is still an innate longing in this small girl (and in me, too, which might be why I have traveled this small path toward insight)
So when I manage, (even hot oatmeal is a treat when presented prettily, crowned with brown sugar, and adorned with blueberries)- how she alights and what soul satisfaction! And I have swallowed back (and sometimes failed) just hushing the sweet seeking spirit (sometimes, cereal is all we’ve got and there is naught a candle to be lit)… I have fought this little battle with an intuitive understanding of this quest for “special” and a practical, life experience with “no-nonsense.”
A little insight dawned when I read this little post. It sent me to investigate the enneagram (which I had never heard of) and my brief foray brought me to a chart I can no longer find anywhere. I have not yet read the book she links in that above post. Anyway, the chart had a personality type with a motivation toward needing things to be ‘special.’ This clicked for me. Deep inside, I was suspecting my small one’s questions were coming from some sort of need inside of her and I didn’t feel right handling it ascetically (very interesting to me that ascetic and aesthetic are so closely related in letters and opposite meanings and relevant to what I am trying to communicate here!)
Then, today, I read this(from Winnie the Pooh ):
“When you wake up in the morning, Pooh,” said Piglet at last, “what’s the first thing you say to yourself?”
“What’s for breakfast?” said Pooh. “What do you say, Piglet?”
“I say, I wonder what’s going to happen exciting today?” said Piglet.
Pooh nodded thoughtfully. “It’s the same thing,” he said.”
― A.A. Milne
And, there, the stars aligned.
My little darling. My little mix of Piglet and Pooh. My little one, asking “What’s for breakfast?” And really, she’s saying, “What’s going to happen exciting today?” and when the day starts off with a soul satisfying breakfast- well! It can only get better.
And Oh! the wise A.A. Milne and suddenly I felt, I knew. It is time to go deep into this book. It is time to soak the words. And I will cry. I felt the mist already. Because somehow, it is all mixed up with Christopher Robin and my darlings starting kindergarten and…the very end of The House at Pooh Corner… and my last little girl who has never seemed like a little girl as she is always keeping right up with her sisters and truly keeping all of us always on our toes. Oh!!!
And I felt again, the deep, deep connection stories and books weave in my life and in our family. And I can’t grab it back… I can’t grab back those days with one small boy up above my shoulder and the other next to me…and hours and hours of reading. But I am so glad. I am so glad. And now, I have one small girl above my shoulders and the other pulled close across my chest… and this is the day and the time is now. And I am glad, grateful that He always leads me in books and that will be for me, for always, small ones or big ones. Thank You, Lord.
I can’t remember when now. It was sometime last Spring, I think. When I started to feel that our breakfast table was very important. When I started to know I was supposed to prepare breakfast for my people, light candles, and read Scripture. I resisted this. I grew up in a fend for yourself for breakfast household. And I have read godly advice over the years where a large homeschool family did teach all the children to get their own breakfast while the Mom walked and got started on the school day.And I have spent many years, very, very tired in the morning, raising wee ones and up in the night.
But, it is a new season and I felt the Lord calling me differently. I listened. And I obey…sometimes very imperfectly. But I do. And it does crown our day. And it has satisfied a place in my soul. A beauty-longing place. A place seeking meaning.I am supposed to make breakfast. So I do. And I open the Word, and we sing, and we pray.
And now, whenever, my little girl asks me “What’s for breakfast?” and “What’s happening tomorrow?” I will orient myself even more whole-heartedly to answer her from a place of life-giving. Tomorrow is a day where there will be love, and something tasty, and books to read: there will be life.
There will be the richness of a storied life.
Thank You, Lord.