It’s getting close. Just days away, really. I’m sending another son away. Times, they are a changing. It hurts to think how different things will be around here.
it is going to hurt when things are so different around here.
It doesn’t mean it isn’t right; it doesn’t mean he shouldn’t go; and it certainly doesn’t mean I shouldn’t acknowledge the change. It is the beautiful juxtaposition: joy and pain.
I have to keep a forward gaze, while also being present at hand. I have been thinking often- about this post, I wrote so long ago. Embrace the Day
The crux of it- that maybe isn’t really fully articulated in that actual post- is that peace and life (of which Jesus is the Source) are found in being present in the unique day at hand (with its own challenges, needs, blessings, and struggles). Embrace the day- where I take an inward deep breath, settle in, and receive what is, walking by faith in that “now” and trusting as I walk forward into what will be.
The trust I learned as I walked each season with each new baby; as I walk each new school year with these, my students; as I release and let go to turn around and focus on those here with me; — that trust is serving me now- as I realize the Spirit-filled walk of faith is calling to me- the same trust and faith expressing itself in each different, changing season. It looks different but the heartbeat is the same. It looks like heart to hearts with teens; texts, phone calls, video calls- and the strong support backing young adults growing into themselves; it looks like believing in choices for children; it looks like table time with little girls and the disciplined choice to read, read, read. It looks like us (all of us) hand in hand and heart to heart.
I have to take hold with both hands that which is right in front of me.
I also have to lift up my heart and focus heart and energy forward into the good. (This means I think about all the good this next step is for this son I am letting go; this means I look around at the darlings before me and choose love; this means I step bravely forward into this new year)
I am uncomfortable with all the changes. I feel like the journey of my life has been traversed on the undulating waves of adjustments and change. Repeat.
The best tactic for me is to focus one laser-focused, clear eye on what is in front of me and give my whole heart.
I think back to pregnancy; to days cupping infants; to the days when I had more children who needed to learn to read than I did who could read- those days are definitely over.
I have been filling days (making memories) with my soon to be leaving son, and I am looking forward to welcoming home another son who will have been gone for seven long weeks. I can’t wait to see his face and hug his neck. I can’t wait to wrap a hug around him and let him know how deeply loved he is.
I have felt a rising panic as I strive to get ready for our next, upcoming school year. A year that will surely be different. Just as they all have been and will continue to be. But, by faith, I know that there will be wonderful opportunities for rich soul work in the hearts under this roof. All the hearts.
I am… leaning in. One day at a time, one change at a time.
Won’t you lean in, too?