This week, I had the fear of facing bills we cannot pay, fears of a car that doesn’t work properly, hard to write for me emails sent out that haven’t received responses, two little girlies who had been pining- diagnosed with bladder infections, the dishwasher breaking(Thursday) and the garage freezer breaking (Friday), living a day on the last two diapers in the house, the knowledge of a dangerous drive Todd and three children had ( learned of Saturday), toilets continuing to run and having to set up more appointments, a tutor training meeting that lasted 3.5 hours and overwhelmed the heart out of me, an appointment with Norah that left me(partly due to unavoidable circumstance) beginning to walk home until Todd could come and get me, some Boy Scout Troop needs that have been outstanding, several phone calls (introvert here) that waylaid me. The usual feeling that the cupboard has been opened and life is dropping on my head. Truth. What do I do with this?

This is my real life. In the midst of it, I try to close my eyes and find myself in God. And I cry out to Him for help and direction.

I think I am going to lay down and rest and when I get up, I am going to pray and practice

( a post about this to follow) Philippians 4. Right now, I feel afraid.

I wrote this before nap time. Then it was nap, and I did lay down and rest. I woke up with my little girl and I have been caring for little girls until this moment. It seems like, at times, the mind, can’t face the full import of the fear and stress. This has been true for me so much over the last 10 months or so. I am choosing right at this moment, to roll it on God. Roll it, cast it. Take this from me, Father. Carry it and me.

Psalm 56:3-11

Whenever I am afraid,
I will trust in You.
In God (I will praise His word),
In God I have put my trust;
I will not fear.
What can flesh do to me?

All day they twist my words;
All their thoughts are against me for evil.
They gather together,
They hide, they mark my steps,
When they lie in wait for my life.
Shall they escape by iniquity?
In anger cast down the peoples, O God!

You number my wanderings;
Put my tears into Your bottle;
Are they not in Your book?
When I cry out to You,
Then my enemies will turn back;
This I know, because God is for me.
10 In God (I will praise His word),
In the Lord (I will praise His word),
11 In God I have put my trust;
I will not be afraid.
What can man do to me?

~Rebecca