What’s On My Mind- Wednesday
So, I worried that I bit off more than I could chew when I set myself this little goal to blog every day this week. And I wondered… what was I thinking?? with so much already going on. But… I guess I am the type to just rashly jump right in- and so I did. And here I am. Keeping my head above water. Barely.
I always want to grasp life with both hands and celebrate! Rejoice. Thanks be for the day, the season, the milestone. I have found fatigue and weariness can really impact how rejoiceful I feel and what I experience- and even what I am capable of… but I continue on. I am pressing on.
Something that has been on my mind a lot- particularly in relation to this blog- is homeschooling a large family and homeschooling high school (while schooling with younger ones). O, how I have longed for deep, encouraging blogs on those two topics. They are few and far between and the writers often post with long, deep silences between. And my, do I understand! I do. Even so, it is a hope of mine to be able to share little glimpses and little encouragements and be a small voice in these areas in this place of mine on the web. I hope I will be able to birth and breathe flesh to this longing. I long! But the spirit is willing and the flesh is weak.
It often feels to me that I discover someone… only to have them shortly announce that they will no longer be blogging. Most recently- this was Ordo-Amoris. I stumbled upon her website last year- and how can I express my eagerness? Mama to 9 with eight of those being boys! Majority graduated- successfully having navigated college… a literature lover, located in Tennessee- (ever so close to where we used to live)… ah, I could go on. But I won’t. She blogs no more. And I was sad. (I will say that some of her writings of wisdom can still be found through the Circe website and also at MorningTime Moms- but it is not quite the same… it is not.)
I am learning, by real life experience, just what it is these Mamas face, are going through, and how the seasons change- so much- as the children grow. I understand why their spaces sit silent. Quiet. I know on the other side- it is anything but quiet. It is busy. It is stretching. It is demanding. So demanding. It is full of so many changes and shiftings. At least it is for me. So- this is something that has been on my mind.
Something else that has been on my mind is this: my family and our traditions and family culture. I still feel like I am tossed on a rough ocean. Navigating the waters of teens and toddlers… along with a whole different homeschooling culture in our new state (which is not altogether bad- but it is different… and O! it is demanding). Plus high schooling…and trusting my heart and instinct to the Lord as we make many choices for each year. I have a picture in my home. It is currently not up on the wall… but it is of my six older children when my oldest son was ten. The twins were a whisper in my womb… there but unknown to me! and Norah- not even a glimmer perceived. And I cupped those days, and I cupped that photo with the knowledge- that childhood would be soon shifting for some of these precious ones and soon they would be lengthening into young adulthood. And here we are. Here we are. And the beat of my heart is still discipleship and it is still relationships. I am still trying to find my way.