“Snapshot”- Jonah

He climbs onto the bed.

“Can I hold her?”
He is all eagerness.

“Sure.” I say. He sits cross-legged in front of me. I urge him closer.
He is blue-eyed, blondish wonder.

I place little Melodee into his arms, across his lap. She looks right into his face and coos. She is all bright eyes and interaction. She smiles. He talks softly to her. Curls her, gentle. Kisses her head. Then says, “I’m done. Now can I hold that one?”

That one- is Aymee who is in my arms, across my lap.

“Sure.” I say. I place her into his arms. She stretches across his lap. Her feet propped by the pillow on mine. She is all squishy, cozy bundle.

“I don’t have to hold her there, Mom. Look.” He says, as he sees her feet propped up.
He talks softly to her and kisses her head.

“I’m done.” He says. He grins.
“I got to hold both of them!”

Later, one cries. He bends close and loudly, all five year old boy, sings “I’ll go to the Rock of my Salvation.” His lullaby of choice for his baby sisters.

Sweet boy.
Sweet babies.

The Things They Say

Discussing the twins sleeping habits together… sitting round the fireplace.
Tall Son on one brown chair, me- rocking a baby in the other, Tenderheart perched on our computer chair… Tenderheart to be renamed- but haven’t quite caught the essence yet…
Little Aymee cuddles her head against my chest. Little eyes closed. Soft breaths rising. Cozy. Cozy. Her favorite place. Melodee sleeps peacefully in the other room. Sleeps. In the day.
At night- it is often a different story.

Ten year old (Tenderheart) remarks, “O- so they are nocturnal!” We laugh. Nocturnal. Why yes, they are, sometimes right now.
He is our science lover- our nature explorer, and our detailed one.

Nocturnal. The things they say.

…Amy and Aymee- true Endless Gifts…

Amy and little Aymee 🙂

~Amy meets Aymee~
Recently my sister got to meet her little namesake.

Amy Colleen Foley Walker
met and bonded with
Aymee Christiana-Faith Borger

(notice the A.C.F. initials… 😉 )

Our precious baby twins are a special answer to prayer. God double blessed us with these little girls. Forever, I have had a desire in my heart for a little sister for my Abigaile- and we were going to call her “Amy” after my own treasured sister. We(Amy and I) call ourselves sisters in flesh and in spirit and this is my hope for our own girls. I hold our precious Aymee and stare at God’s direct and amazing answer to prayer. I hold her sweet twin sister and thank the Lord for His gifts. Sisters are very, very special. This I know from my own personal and life experience. I am ever so grateful for the gift of sisters in our family. Aymee is a tenderheart baby and Melodee is a sweet angel. Abigaile is thrilled to have these sweet girls in our family.

I am so blessed that my sister got to hold and bond with her little nieces- particularly Aymee. She had a special touch with her, too, as Aymee is our fussy, gassy baby right now.

Love.

One Month Old Today

Twins! 🙂 One Month Old Today.

Baby Girls are One Month Old today… August 13th.

-little bright eyes “peeking” at me
-fun of dressing little girls in baby girlie clothes
-rocking little babies, two snuggled close, against my chest
-soft, newborn heads
-Aymee “comforting” Melodee
-Melodee smiles
-new baby sniffles and snuffles

Endless Gifts

Psalm 50

14 “Offer to God a sacrifice of thanksgiving
And pay your vows to the Most High;
15 Call upon Me in the day of trouble;
I shall rescue you, and you will honor Me.”

23 “He who offers a sacrifice of thanksgiving honors Me;
And to him who [j]orders his way aright
I shall show the salvation of God.”

Proverbs 16
1 The plans of the heart belong to man,
But the answer of the tongue is from the LORD.

9 The mind of man plans his way,
But the LORD directs his steps.

It is hard to write this blog post. It is hard because I am up all night with baby twins. It is hard because I am so sleep- deprived. It is hard because starting Endless Gifts… when we have been so overwhelmed in so many ways- good and hard- leaves me almost stuck with “where” to even start… and
it is hard because Todd and I just received an answer we had been waiting five months for… and the answer was “no” and that is hard, too. And I know, I know… that this is the place- a quiet place in God, a place of “seeing” with eyes of grace- that I have/had to run to… run… and I think that the deepest spiritual lesson I have been learning over these past several years- has been this concept of praise and thanks. Praising God in the storm, Praising God in the hardness, Praising God when the answer is “no”, Praising God when facing rain, turning, blinking eyes, opening insight to “see” in a different way and find thanks… and offering it sincerely. Offering. Offerings. Really all of life is worship.

I knew as soon as I had a real minute to realize our disappointment- that I had to “offer a sacrifice” of thanks and praise… and I know I need to- in more than just this… also in this hard birth recovery, this stressful family time, this all night wakeful baby twins, life pressures that are whelming us…
sometimes giving thanks really is a sacrifice- and that is hard, too.

Months and months ago- the Lord encouraged me with the above Scriptures from Proverbs 16. Then, even underscored it by having a several friends share it with me at different times unknowingly. Finally, yesterday, when having that “real minute to realize” the Holy Spirit reminded me of it yet again… and it hurt a good hurt to see the outcome as the Lord’s answer is different from my preference. Everything is complicated. Nothing is cut- and-dry. There were pro’s and con’s in every scenario that was before us.

I have been greatly encouraged, since the twins have been born, by soaking up sermons online in the wee hours of the night while caring for them. It is hard to estimate how much this has helped me through the past 4 1/2 weeks of body transitioning, baby feeding, health issues, and no sleep. Sometimes- I feel this yawning ache of… “I miss Jesus. Miss.” And I so do. I have never really written about it. It is a common thing when so swamped with baby needs… but it is also a heart cry I have experienced here in these beautiful mountains. I am thankful for online sermons and worship CD’s- but I ache with ache for corporate worship I have never experienced here and I miss, miss, miss it. And in frank honesty- I don’t play those CD’s as much as I should, and except for this postpartum period, I don’t usually listen to those sermons like I should. And that is my own fault. And some of that deep, utter, missing is what is tied up in the heart cry of my sadness over this answer. All I can do is plant my face (symbolically) to the ground and worship because He knows and His dealings with me are good.

And so- as I have tried a little to process-

I offer- these gifts of grace. I praise.

– a perfect spinal, perfect
-nurses who utterly and totally went out of their way to care for me at the hospital
-everyday laughing with Todd in that hospital and I found a little of “us” again. Just us. And it was sweet.
-my parents who were able to arrive the day I was admitted to the hospital and care every day for our kids as I even had to stay an extra day- for a total of five days in the hospital… for running our household, feeding our kids, and loving them.
-Perfect, beautiful babies and every favorable outcome even in the midst of scary high blood pressure/toxemia, being so very pregnant (40 weeks 1 day when they were born), blood typing issues, etc.
-Full term twins who came out breathing well and nursing well. For this we worked so hard and prayed. Thank You God.
-an OB who cared enough for me to stand right in front of me and help me through that spinal, answer endless questions patiently, every time, and prioritized to protect me during surgery
-friends who have brought us food, brought me flowers, cared for our children, cleaned our bathroon, folded laundry, prayed for me. Prayed and still pray. I have been suprised and blessed by the hearts I have seen. Generous, christian-love hearts.
-back to that perfect spinal- how kind the doctor and nurse anesthetist were and careful with me… they really were and I appreciated it that they took my concern seriously. This and the nursing care were night and day different from my last experience. Direct answer to prayer.
-my sister who stayed up through the wee hours of one whole night and cared for babies with me. Who went “on call” for me while she was here- offering to take babies in the early morning hours so I can sleep. My sister. There is not enough space on this blog to ever try to convey what that she is to me and all the ways she blessed while here (love her ham, lettuce, tomato, cuke sandwhiches!)There is no one like her. I am better when I am around her and I think that is one of the highest praises you can offer about someone. They lift you up in every way.
-It hurts too much to try and offer thanks for everyone who helped us through the crazy weekend/ beginning week we had last week- so I’ll just say- to those who gave for us to take the chance in time and money and energy and prayers- deep thanks. And we’re sorry, too.
-for God sovereignly breaking down our van in our driveway rather than on the way to Atlanta or back.
-cousin time, they had the best time together
-Sammy, hearing his words has shown me more of who he is. Precious.
-our new to us, 12 passenger Ford Econoline.
-being able to fix our mini-van and have two cars again… I am thankful.
-black swallowtails and my butterfly bush… I barely see what is out there right now… but it lifts my heart to see them on my purple bush. They are beautiful.
-My hummingbird feeder all full courtesy of my mom and ficus repotted and doing so well.
-Soft newborn heads pressed against my cheek
-being weaned down to one blood pressure pill a day and soon to wean off that, too, I think…
-my Dad who reminds me of the beautiful place we live… one of the most beautiful places in the country, the the wonderful provision of our house…who also faithfully makes the trip (with mom) to see us.
-Sarah’s flowers and friendship, Elizabeth’s prayers and dinners, Geo and Dan’s summertime meal, Geo’s weekly ministry, Becky on the deck with my kids and her care of me- such a great friend, Debbie’s meal organizing, prayers, and care
-the friends who took the time to visit me at the hospital

I am sure I have missed so many, many. I type hurriedly with three year old interruptions, and nurslings who need me and…

I soak grace. I cry for God-ministered comfort and peace, direction… and HOPE.

Update

Isaiah 26:4

New International Version (NIV)

4 Trust in the LORD forever,
for the LORD, the LORD himself, is the Rock eternal

I have several blog post ideas lined up on a little yellow sticky note… waiting. Waiting.

I have entered a realm of sleep deprivation heretofore unknown to me. I am learning some lessons from the Lord that I hope to write here soon. I was also advised to share my C-Section story here on the blog( by Todd) and then put it behind me. I am pondering that. I still can’t even talk about the whole experience without noticing a definite upward spike in my pulse and blood pressure! Although I will state here that the Lord covered the entire procedure, specifically answering many direct requests and giving me a definite sense of His care. His mercy covers me.

I have been hoping to put up a twin Endless Gifts edition for a couple of weeks now!

Here is a favorite Hymn I have been singing to our babies:

1. What a friend we have in Jesus,
all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit,
O what needless pain we bear,
all because we do not carry
everything to God in prayer.

2. Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged;
take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful
who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
take it to the Lord in prayer.

3. Are we weak and heavy laden,
cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge;
take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?
Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In his arms he’ll take and shield thee;
thou wilt find a solace there.

Here is a worship song I remember with great joy from a friend’s beautiful wedding that I have joyed in singing to our girls as well:

Your love is amazing
Steady and unchanging
Your love is a mountain
Firm beneath my feet
Your love is a mystery
How You gently lift me
When I am surrounded
Your love carries me
[chorus]
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah
Your love makes me sing
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah
Your love makes me sing
Your love is surprising
I can feel it rising
All the joy that’s growing
Deep inside of me
And every time I see you
All Your goodness shines through
And I can feel this God song
Rising up in me
[chorus]
Your love makes me sing
Your love makes me sing, sing, sing
Your love makes me sing
[chorus]

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/p/phillips_craig_dean/#share

For posterity… with Joshua it was: Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing and Jesus Loves Me, Joshua also loves “This is my Father’s World…”
with Jonah it was: Praise to the Lord, the Almighty, the King of Creation and now he loves “I’ll go to the Rock…”

Cupping grace,
Rebecca