Endless Gifts

I scratched them down on a slip of paper.
Little bits.

The paper lost. Then found again.

The eyes- been dim, the heart, closed tight.

Just a few
Endless Gifts this week… that I have managed to quiet my heart and SEE.

Little One and I… out for our flower walk. And I spy a teeny, tiny baby snail. Just laying on our property. I show the Little One the baby snail. He is entranced. We hold it in our palms. We watch a streak of shiny snail slime appear. Careful, we set it in a thatch of grass to munch and grow. We walk away- but must come back to hold the baby snail again. I try to show the bitty feelers, caution toddler hands… we walk away and Little One waves and waves again…”Bye, Baby Snail!” he says.

The sound of wind on, and in, and through the mountains. The way we hear it before we feel it. The way we see it before we feel it. It rushes through hundreds- probably millions of trees- moving over the mountain- and then, we are caught in it. It is an amazing sound. I stand tall and watch and breathe deep. The spring crispness- it cleanses.

Sweet friend- who came to me and prayed for me- and brought me hot chocolate! Thank you!

First tulip pink on our table- and now a row of them all pink. Pulled tight in rain and grey, opened wide to catch all sunlight. My favorite when tight and pulled, pink and silk. Glad remembrances of an April more than a decade ago (how can that be…. how CAN that be. already.) And I wait- eager, impatient- for all the blooms to burst. And I am dissatisfied with some of it… and I think of how to make it better and what I like and don’t. We plant and learn- that is for sure.
First Tulip Pink.

Little One discovers a patch of ants and he comes running with a shovel- and Tenderheart- he takes him under his wing. 9 year old hand, gentle rests, on 2 year old back. He leads the way and he,big brother, helps him eradicate some ants. Big brothers are the best.

And how, I just can’t help but think that every family should have a two year old… just when they can enjoy it most. The funny things this bright one says… The joy his smallness brings. My mind cannot catch- and I did not write down all that he has said lately-but I am always all astonishment. We have never had one talk like him before… and how I hide the grin at times. The way he plays- all loud and boy… with little foam of boy cresting at his mouth and cars crashing and banging and stories flowing…it makes me laugh. He is loud and I laugh.

How I love all their bright, shining faces, blue eyes and brown- and one grey-green eyed girlie, too…

Endless Gifts.

holy experience

A Scripture Verse for Me

I am clinging to this and it is breaking in- like light shafting through darkness-
but I am still having trouble letting the full Light suffuse the darkness…

John 14:27 ESV

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be trouble, neither them be afraid.” (emphasis mine)

Last night- in the darkness, as sleep and I wrestled, and rest was fleeting and elusive…
I pondered those words… Let Not… let not…
my choosing…

This little verse was the featured theme in one of my sons school lessons yesterday. And the Holy Spirit reminded me- in the darkness, late in the night…
Peace. Let not. Neither…be afraid.

Trying to cling. This day.

A Letter From My Children

Handed to me on Wednesday night.
A night- I cracked and spilt
open all over.
Hanging by a thread
with this childern’s illness that has proven more trying than I expected…

Dear God,
Please guide Mommy and help her. Please guide her as she cares for us. Please protect her and the twins. Please draw her closer to
You and to us. Please help her to stop feeling tired! And help her through her day. Please help her care for Joshua and help her not lose her patience! Help her get our school work done. In You we trust and hope. Amen Micah Nate Abi Jonah Asher

It was a very tired day. Today was better. It has been a challenging sickness. 😦

Gracious Lord, hear the prayers of these little ones and help me to live for You as I live for them and may they see it.

First Hiccups

I have been waiting.
I have been “inside listening.”

I have been wondering.

First bitty hiccups by Baby A.
Deep down in the womb.

First born son- he hiccuped in the womb and I startled- to feel those rhythmic moves and I marveled as the months went by
I could track his growth
the strength of
his hiccups.

And so-
every baby- I have “inside listened” and tracked and they grow and their hiccups grow too.

Baby A.
She is the first one
to hiccup
inside this womb.
This time.

Bitty hiccups.

The Word for me. This Day.

Isaiah 26:3
You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.

Psalm 143:8
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
For I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
For to you I lift up my soul.

And she took the time to write this out for me. I take the time to let these Words sink deep.

What is your way that we should go, O Lord?

Bless and heal the dear child whose special Scripture is Isaiah 26:3.

I find it so very hard with sick children and the stress that comes with that- to find my focus in the Lord. Any tips?
I was suggested worship music. This really helped.
What do you do?

Endless Gifts

Endless Gifts

First Bouquet of very own daffodils on table
Special breakfast to gladden hearts and set an atmosphere of love and grace
A message from a long-ago friend with sweet Scriptures and prayers
A reminder to set the tone and healing atmosphere with praise and worship. This is your grace. How I need it…
Chocolate chip pancakes with real maple syrup and red ripe strawberries… a rare treat for me.
Little baby girl twins who are a good size for 24 week singletons- let alone multiples. All pleased.
Shining faces of happy children hiking down our road with their Daddy. How fresh and eager they are… how I love.

A tribute to Todd who- seven times now- has gone the extra, extra mile and carried burdens as we carry together the holy privilege of life-gifts in the womb.
I get weaker. He gets stronger. Every time. It never fails. And I am always loved and cherished, praised and enjoyed. I swell with life and he gets a burst of strength- from somewhere down deep, down deep inside.
For all the breakfast feasts he makes. For the delicious Sunday dinners he turns out… for the clean kitchen he left me this morning, cleaned last evening while I slept on the bed after being up hours Saturday night with our two year old… who is ill and didn’t really even take his Sunday nap.
For without attitude and without complaint and with never a word of criticism to me- was the sole energizer in getting us to church- after said night with the two year old.
For washing sheets and changing bedding in the middle of the night and helping me in the midst of my throwing up phobia- which is severe- especially when I am stressed.
For rising in the morning and finding joy in his God, in the Word, in study…
For being the active agent in my nesting needs. I tell. He does. (Thank you love. Thank you…)
For discussing sermons with me and leading us in a beautiful Lenten series on Sunday evenings…

just some Endless Gifts from 3/14-3/21.

The Things They Say: at Two

We gather round the table for morning meeting. Many fighting grouchy spirits responding to the daylight savings disruption.

I lead our morning meeting time.
At the end, I go round the table for our prayer requests.
It is Joshua’s turn. He mumbles a few incoherent words… and then I catch the end.

“And especially for you, with the baby twins in your belly.”

I am so suprised. That is literally what he said. Precious boy. I press my check close to his face.
I ask again to make sure that is, indeed, what he said. It is.

Our spirits lift. I rush to catch the memory in the midst of this morning hustle. And it is a hustle this morning.

“especially for you, with the baby twins in your belly…”

The Things They Say.

Education is an Atmosphere…

In my days of nesting, some new art has gone up- adorning different places in our home and I have been inspired.
Inspired by the realization that the home can be a vehicle of communication.
I think of Charlotte Mason’s often quote definition for education:

Education is an atmosphere, a discipline, a life.

I think of atmosphere.

I think of a gentle pulling on hearts from room to room as pieces of beauty are given a place to shine

Shelves filled with books overflow.

Special, tasteful momentos and pictures fill children’s rooms…

Promote family values.

Nourish souls.

I think of atmosphere that inspires children to high and noble thoughts. To love that which is excellent and lovely.
To develop a taste for what is good and true.

The home is a powerful place for growing children.

For more lucid thoughts along these longs-
See these resources…
Educating the Wholehearted Child by Sally Clarkson
Mission of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson
Charlotte Mason Companion by Karen Andreola
The Hidden Art of Homemaking by Edith Schaeffer
For the Family’s Sake by Susan Schaeffer Macaulay

Endless Gifts

Endless Gifts

A month of reflections… I will never capture them all…
And I have lost myself somewhere in the counting…
Do the numbers really matter?
Obviously not to me- for whom details escape like water through a sieve
Or sand through cupped hands…
Holding on to them is hard.
Hard for me.

These are NOT in chronological order…

-The first eye- spy of butterfly flutter; yellow and gold.
-Unexpected appearance of “our” waterfall and Little One who says, “I LOVE the waterfall!” complete with a joyful skip
-Somehow, suddenly, just one day, he is big enough to reach the pedals and I find a little man on a trike racing down the deck. Fast. Faster than I expected and I realize- he is pedaling. Pedaling. Did he grow overnight?
-Candyland- just me and him. And I win. And I don’t want to. And I am stuck on a very hard chair, playing again and again because with just two people- it takes a LONG time to get to Candy Castle. But it is precious to sit- just me and him. And I think at first- maybe I won’t win. I hope I won’t. I get sent all the way back to Mr. Plumpy. But alas, even so- in the end I do.
-Little One creates with Do-A-Dots. And I find him lining them up one by one and pointing to each, naming color after color. Utmost concentration. We put the lids on together and he slides them back in their box- learning colors as he goes.
-A new internet connection. A Droid.
-Learning about different birds with my little ones, and my naturalist- always there- ready with his birdsong book- to add to our experience. He keys in the number- and we hear their songs in real life. We explore several different paintings/photos of each one too. We love.
-A new read aloud time with 6 and 5. First thing in the morning. We snuggle on the couch. This takes the place of the bedtime reading which I never could get to… Right now it is: Little House in the Big Woods and the feel of his blondish head on my shoulder and her girlish interest over the back of my head: priceless. And I am happy and free from guilt and they are happy and loved.
-He finds the first salamanders- he finds one, two- even three. And Little Boy who has been WAITING, WAITING to see a real life Salamander- enchanted and delighted by The Salamander Room – gets to hold one in real life under the tutelage of his much knowledgeable big brother. It is tiny and squirmy. It was found after the rain. Salamander.
-The little boys insisting on making homemade oreos with me and I finally figure out how to let the littlest one help without total demolition. And my little girl- she watches. And I think- we will have to do this together- her and I- because I can see her adept skill in my mind and how she will enjoy forming bitty chocolate cookies. No worries of demolition with her.
-The feel of boys’ buzz cuts under the palm of my hand… specially the two little almost blondies.
-A glorious week of long talks, good food ( at least I thought so), and fellowship with a dear brother and family
-The feel of a sweet niece’s little head against my cheek…her blossoming smiles just for me.
-My sister-in-law’s easy way in the kitchen. How my sink did shine! I was and am still inspired.
-God’s grace enabling to serve in the midst of sickness winding through all the children.
-The opportunity to seek to serve and serve well for the Lord and for love.
-Book Talks. Lots of awesome book talks.
-Thirty-one. I can’t help myself, I really , really enjoy their things.
-Little boys who run and their rounded cheeks jiggle slightly. Littlest Boy- jiggles most- but 5 year old still has some of that baby softness and those blue eyes sparkle and the legs pump. Cheeks round and rosy. They run.
-A really encouraging bible study meeting.
-An unexpected coffee night. And I- taken by surprise- didn’t realize how much I needed the sweet fellowship so easily offered. Grace and Mercy. Reminders to return to some special resources that have blessed me so much in years past. Husband grins. Happy he is to see me in that place again.
-A totally unexpected gift in the mail from a loved family member. Truly God’s grace and their generous love is so evident.
-Baby shower(s)!!
-A breakfast out with a dear son and afterwards we take a brisk sweep through Lowe’s garden center. I laugh when we see the roses. Bunch of very short sticks with a bagged root ball. He laughs too. I pruned so hard. I pruned ours low. We grin. I did it right.
-Lenten Lights. A new Easter tradition for this year. So wonderful. And so appreciative of my love who leads us and leads us well.
-A date night. Delicious food. Time away. Headway made on certain topics. Time together. Sweet friend who blessed. Thank you.
-Chimes that sound different with the direction of the wind.

Life is overwhelming me at times right now- as I work to school our children and prepare for our babies and as my body adjust to twin needs. Not overwhelming in a bad way- but rather consuming. Consuming. My mind is consumed with many, many details and like I wrote above- that is hard for me and it takes a lot of energy and concentration to keep it all straight- but I am committed to slow down. Slow down. See. See life around me. Stop the rushing as best I can… and try to savor.
-How awesome is the Lord- His neverending love and grace. How He loves. How He loves. His love calls me to repentence. His love calls me to praise.

Endless Gifts.

holy experience