Write My Heart

I recently revisited some writing I have begun for my boys. A tale of virtue…And I found the words working hard on my own mind and heart. Convicting. I want to get back to it- but time is elusive and I wonder if it is the season for it… yet- I am called back to examine my own heart and repent, draw higher than I am and have been. I also want to live the truths those words are illuminating. Live them. Not just write them. Live them for my boys who are growing, growing so fast.

Two posts by Sally Clarkson have really, really been working in my heart and mind and relate to this-
So-

Holiness

“No one can be holy for you.”
These words have been finding me in quiet, odd, alone places. So very true. What is the integrity of my private, alone life- because even I, with children all about from day til night- have it. The minutes where the rubber meets the road- and what will I choose? What will I choose???

And, “When I graduated from college, I worked on the staff of Campus Crusade for 2 years at the University of Texas and then I moved to Eastern Europe to travel in Communist countries as a missionary. I had the illusion that because I had a committed heart, I was mature.So he gave me a husband and children, so that I could really find out what sacrificial love was all about. It has not been easy to pull out the weeds of expectations; to fight the storms of giving up my rights; to endure the drought of feelings that did not always match up to what I thought a loving wife and mother should feel in a happy home. But, I kept holding on to Him, pondering His life and seeking to be loyal through faith in His reality and presence, even though I could not always see Him. “ (bolded part is my emphasis). Ah, yes- this struck hard for me… I had the illusion that because I had a committed heart, I was mature. Work this, work this in me Lord. She reaps fruit now, years and years later. Will I?

I want to live an authentic, “fessed up” repentant life of faith. I am called to question the ministry to my children and how it can be more of what it ought to be and what I truly desire it to be. The days spin by. Even in days of exhaustion, fatigue, irritation, burdens- I need to live in the power of the life of Christ and not in my flesh. I can think of any excuse- but excuses don’t stop the march of time. What will I make of it by the grace of our God, within the boundaries and limits He has placed me in, with the measure He has given me?

May His Word light up my heart like yellow-white flame on stone. Alive, it flickers, let it flame.

1 Timothy 6:11-12 (English Standard Version)
Fight the Good Fight of Faith
11But as for you,(A) O man of God,(B) flee these things.(C) Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness. 12(D) Fight the good fight of the faith.(E) Take hold of the eternal life(F) to which you were called and about which you made(G) the good confession in the presence of many witnesses.