Like this:

6 months old.
A look back through the blur.

Now that I have fully made it through their birth, the surgery, the high blood pressure, the healing, and the first and second three months…
I can, perhaps, reflect a bit.

Where we are Today…

Today, on their six month birthday, Todd begins his late night shift that will last several months. So, today, we once again, feasted breakfast round our table. Today, we awoke to a light, lacy layer of snow. Today, I went in to little Aymee after putting her to bed last night and hearing not a peep- and found her quietly watching, blue eyes a spark in the darkness. She slept all night. Today, Melodee tried to sharpen her rising little tooth on me. Today, I shined my kitchen and marveled at my son shovel our porch, pristine. Today, I breathe deep and feel within myself, a total healing from the C-Section surgery. Today, their biggest brother will take one or the other and press their soft little cheek or soft little head against his cheek. He will close his eyes and love. He will carry them and help me with them. I am never alone. Tonight, they will eat a whole, little bowl of Beechnut Oatmeal, water and white grape juice warmed and mixed. Melodee will scrunch her little body deep into my chest and rub her face into my shoulder and give her girlie squeal. Aymee will jump in my lap.

Last night, we put them both in their exersaucers, pushed right up against each other and watched. Aymee gnawed on Melodee’s hand and Melodee squealed a happy squeal at Aymee. Aymee tried to connect “eye to eye” with Melodee and smile right in her face. Melodee looked away. Aymee smiled at Mellie and Mellie squealed at Aymee. I watch with wonder. These little twins, buddies through life, a bestest friend one for the other.

Sometimes, lately, one or the other, or both, will go to bed and sleep all the way thru- but sometimes one will wake at 1 or 4 or 6 or 7 to nurse, then back to bed.

And so, how was the first six months…?
It was hard. It was blessed. It was blessedly hard. There was a “look” about some of my youngest children that hurt me hard the first few months. They looked “mommy-less” and that was because- I was not there. So overwhelming are the real demands of newborn twins. I spent all my time feeding and caring for them. I am glad we have sailed safely through that time and I am once again connecting heart strings with my other little ones- although we still have a way to go in rhythm and regularity. My body has hurt in an entirely new way and I still sometimes(rarely) take Tylenol or Advil.

And so, how was the C-Section…?
It was hard. It was blessed. It was blessedly hard.
I think Todd and I are distanced enough from it at this point… but for many months- grimaces of displeasure would surface from both of us at the mere memory of it. It is a shock to have a surgical birth after six so very easy, uncomplicated ones. It took so long to heal and feel any kind of normal. I also think this is due to nursing two babies. The whole post-partum has been upped many, many notches this time around as far as my physical body is concerned. This is the first time I have really felt- well, my body will never be the same. It truly went through “something” with the twins and I will bear the marks in some form for the rest of my days. And, o, o yes, they are so very worth it.

It does cause one to ponder. And be thankful. Thankful for the provision of the C-Section. I cannot deny a little shudder will run through me. Plant me back a century or two. What would have happened? I walked around a month at 6 cm dilated. Finally, my water broke on the 13th around 12:30 or so a.m. And baby A was entirely, complexitly breech. And the look of worry and concern on that labor nurses face when she checked me and felt whatever she felt… well, at least I knew. I knew she was breech and I knew where we were heading. We had waited til the last possible moment. But because, I live in the time that I do, I was prepped carefully for a sterile surgery with a doctor who took me into her heart. Into her heart enough to be the one to hold me still during the spinal I feared for months. Who, handled the surgery in such a way, to protect me from blood loss complications- I was one of her “complicated” patients- with breech twins and blood antibody issues- even surfacing more at the very last minute. And blood pressure was literally sky-rocketing…And I give thanks to God- who answered every prayer. His love is evident to me in the grace of those days.

In everything they do and are, I give thanks. So very healthy and normal development they are and so precious and sweet- and o- the girlness of it all. I am abashed at the generosity of this gift from the Lord. It is like a lavish feast presented before me and I feel shy and awkward. As if I enter the feast and place my hand on my heart, “For me?” I ask- all wonder. And daily the delights are new and I enjoy and love.

Happy Six Months, my Twins.
Happy Six Months to us all.